Vaulting Over Old Stories

I just did my first MovNat workout.

And by workout, I mean I tried not to fall over for about 10 minutes.

OK, let me back up a little bit.

Two moths ago (I really should update this blog more often) I hired a… I don’t even know what she is exactly.  I guess she’s a combination of a life coach and a personal trainer.  She’s a certified personal trainer, but for almost two months she didn’t tell me to do one squat or other exercise.

Because she believes you can layer exercise on top of all the emotional crap, but that crap is still going to be there in the long run. So we’ve been working for two and a half months on digging up and through the crap so that we could get me to a place where exercise isn’t anathema to me any more.

And it’s working.  Slowly.

Yesterday, I walked to the park with my daughter, and while she played on the playground, I did incline push-ups, crunches, leg lifts with her sitting on my knees, tricep dips, hanging from the bar (which was intended to be a tiny pull-up, but let’s be real, it was mostly hanging), and walking lunges around the entire perimeter of the playground.  And then we walked home.

And I’ve been getting that much exercise or more every day for the last two weeks or so.

THAT is a pretty big shift.

So, today we were on the phone for our second-to-last consult in this three month stint I hired her for, and she asked me, “How can we take this to the next level? What feels like the next level for you?”

And I hesitated.

I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but it was embarrassing.

But I realized as I felt embarrassed about it, that the embarrassment was more old crap, old stories bubbling up to the surface.  So, I blurted out:

“There’s this woman that I met at a conference, and we became friends on Facebook, and she’s into paleo and, like, parkour-style workouts, and I realize that I am literally not physically strong enough to do any of the stuff she does in her videos and stuff, but it kind of looks like fun.”

Except, it probably came out more like:

“There’sthiswomanthatImetataconference, andwebecamefriendson Facebook, and she’sintopaleoandparkourandIamnotstrongenough but it kind of looks like fun.”

I was embarrassed to even admit that something like parkour looked like fun, because it felt so far out of my wheelhouse, so far out of my story about myself and what I’m capable of.

And my coach took a deep breath and said, “Go for it.”

She reminded me that there are plenty of people out there who have overcome much bigger odds than I am looking at to go on American Ninja Warrior or whatever. She told me about a video of an overweight woman doing box burpees. (I searched for the video but couldn’t find it.) And I mentioned seeing an article recently about big girls doing yoga.

The point being: my story isn’t the whole story.  It’s true that I can’t vault over a wall right now.  I would probably fall on my head and kill myself.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t do it some day.

And then she said that it sounded to her like something in my story needed to do this.

My mind immediately flashed over to a post I put up on Facebook recently, about these super cool barrettes that are actually multi-tools, and one of my friends posted and said, “I always knew you were a baddass Bond girl!”

And I thought, “YES!” That’s what I want to be.  A badass Bond girl. I want to be Agent Carter. I want to be Black Widow (except, without all the killing and Russian mind control stuff.) I want to be super competent and capable and able to pick locks and vault over walls.

I don’t know why I want that, but I do.

And my coach said go for it.  Carefully. 😉  No broken bones, she said.

So she suggested this site, MovNat, and I looked it up and found a beginner workout.

And it’s very beginner.  And surprisingly hard. One part of it is jumping up onto a 12-inch tall box.  Well, I had an 8-inch tall stool, so I pulled that out, and for whatever reason, I couldn’t make myself jump onto it with both feet. I was leading with one foot.  (Maybe the landing surface is too small, I don’t know.)

So, instead of being daunted, I got out three bed pillows and jumped up onto those. And I could do that!  And it was still hard!  HA!

But I did it.

And THAT is the biggest shift of all.

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